Regural readers by now would know that am having trouble getting her to school everyday.I am extremely upset today because of her behaviour,she cried and cried long enough to throw up and rest in home.One morning she prayed,” Ummachi,enakku schoolu.kku poga vendam,aathuleye naan samatha padikkannum” ( I should not go to school,i should learn from home itself).Home schooling is there a option for me here ? If yes i would happily go for that,if she can learn to be social outside home.

Her school as i know has wonderful staff and kids too are close to her,she was normal and going to school happily,suddenly she refuses,i accepted it on the day when i was off,but today if she is happy to stay in home than to go to school,is something wrong in school ? I did asked her teachers if she is crying or fighting or any issues in class,they said ‘No’,so where my diagnosis leading me to ?

And in evening she is says her current school is the best one as i tell her in April she could be going to BIG school.Or is she simply trying to avoid going to school,i am tired.

With the given situation, she will be moving to big school in april,an Indian one at that.Last year when i joined her in the current school,i was planning to continue preparatory classes there,it is british syllabus and best suited for kids moving to British school for further education.It is not very ideal for her to have prep classes here if she moves into Indian school for first standard as she will never know a bit of Hindi. 

I wanted to avoid British school mainly because,

1. Those schools are pricey, we may be able to afford,provided she remains single kid and we both earn.Check here and here.

2.She could feel left out amidst affluent,non desi kids.Certainly we cannot drop her in Audi or Porsche or Lamborghini.

3.What when we go back to India,where will she fit ?

Am not a strong believer in conventional CBSE or Indian system,but here i have only two options either to go to British or India.Certain schools claim to be American but i learned from an expert that most of them are not accredited and their diplomas are not accepted,only one proves to be genuine,but am sure we may not be able to make it.There is one more choueifat,but am not sure on this system.No montessori or other options.British schools moved out of choice,but i yearned to consider them as soon as i learnt that Indian schools ask UKG kids to write one to fifteen in Hindi in words.So considering the limited choices, we chose Indian,as most of the kids known to her are joining Indian school.Out of all available Indian school we chose that one which has no competitive/formal exams until 5th standard(atleast) and a activity based education,they do maths activity of taking up a theory and researching it, so far it sounds good,the only thing i would hate is introducing computers as early as first standard,am quiet not happy about it.I strongly believe set of crayons,poster colors are far better than MS paint to trigger imagination and creativity in Kids.

Now,there comes the tough part,for admission in april,they issued admission forms today,DD wanted to go in Morning and collect it,but because of throwing up drama we both were late to office and by the time he went interview date ran out and we got Interview date on Jan 12th.Now she has transformed into a very shy kid and will not even talk to interview board i believe,quiet scary if i miss admission here,because there is another school which would want to stand in line the previous night itself to secure a admission form.I pray and wish that she gets into this school. I took a calendar explained that we are now in january,whizzed past pages of Feruary and march and landed in April and told her she will going to XYZ school in April.And afterwhile she says ‘Amma i want to go to school’ and i ask which school,she replies ‘April school’.


 a happy second birthday to our enjoyable little mouse.As any other mom i cant believe how two years passed by,truly time flies.A milestone this is for the kutty chellam.

We had it as a small affair @ home today and tomorrow we are throwing a party @ McDonalds.Party updates follows soon.

Done with that for Ambuli.Out of all odds,it happened.Its beginning of week and the navarathri hangover still persists.

Woke up @ 6,prepared breakfast n lunch,Woke her up @ 6:30 in morning,did the vijaya dasami pooja,made her write the mantras in rice.Oops she felt terrible when DD took her hand to write and started crying heavily,but sooner she settled,but with great trouble only we finished all the mantras.

Then headed to temple @7:10,and  struck in a heavy traffic and we were late by 10 mins.Midway DD remembered he had not taken his wallet,no chance that we go back and get it,so troubled a friend to get money for us(shameless we).

In temple she cooperated very well,when the priest was to write on her tongue,she started biting the ring and never allowed him to do that.But without any fuss,she wrote the mantram.

So at last successfully she is done with vidhyarambam both in home n temple,so anytime i can pack her school bag and wave bye bye.(The original idea is to start playschool @ 2.5 yrs).

Wishing her a wonderful journey of education ahead,god bless you.

Ambuli is turning very very naughty these days but i should also admit its so sweet to see her that way as there is no potential peril attached to it.

She loves to announce whatever we do,say if i throw away the ball,she immediately tells “Amma,baa thobba”(Amma throws ball with a sound “thobbar”).And when it comes to imitating,she does it more gleefully,and she chooses to do it when we cough,sneeze,burp,she announces “appa,evvv”.

And when we utter “ammadi”,”appadi” out of tiredness, no sooner she articulates the same.A typical scenario would be if DD places him in the couch after a tiring day and says “appadi”,she too does the same.Also whenever she carries something heavily and after placing it down,she tells the same.

Being with ammamma had increased the vocabulary and also the bits n pieces story telling has got many new stories now.when ever we do something strange she exclaims it with ‘ohh’,that one bit is very lovely.

All this leaves her as one ‘kusumbu’ girl as being fondly addressed by appa.

House wears the blanket of silence.Ammamma and ambuli are in the cot,the elder in the process of making the little one sleep.

Appa inserts the key on the door hole and hears ‘amma,appa’ name calling by the lil one.Appa enters the house tailgated by amma.Sharp eared ambuli rushes from the cot climbs down quickly,uttering ‘amma,appa’,just to welcome us,quick here means her foot would not even touch the ground properly.While poor ammamma wonders what is happening and why is she rushing so fast.

She climbs upon anyone of us,and her joy is unbound.Am short of words to explain her reaction and joy.

Am just feeling out of this world when i receive hugs and kisses after returning from work,the love of lil one is priceless,flawless,seamless.That one moment when i see her rushing towards us,i feel all the pain right from pregnancy would never match for her love,oh here am really really short of words,my feeling goes unexplained,am feeling a heaven here.

Am doing this post after a roller coaster ride of mixed emotions.I have always wondered for those women who return back to career after 2 or 3 months after delivery,leaving the baby to some stranger.(Leaving with Grand parents did not bothered me much).

Here in Bahrain I know two Indian ladies who returned back to work soon after 60 days of child birth since it is only 45 days of maternity leave here.Arabs here are comfy leaving the baby to an  maid of  X country and join work,but for Indians i dont think it is easy,always a woman sacrifices her career,sometimes a promising one.

When in India I met my friend who sulked for not being able to spend time with baby and how naughty she is turning up and too much of weight loss,and all these are happening while she is away for work and baby lies with grannie and a maid.Though she had insisted to return back from work by 6 pm,those so called conference calls are eating her up while in home,and the dinner preparation,clearing up chores and throughout night feeding the baby all leaves her with no energy in morning and no time for her baby too.She feels life is hard on her and am sure she is not making justice to both the places.

Well,the very point of this post is talk about my sturdiness or madness or unwise decision,yes I have started leaving Ambuli to a babysitter,hoping I would get into my career again,and which is not certain till date.

I wanted her to get practised in the day care stuff, and yesterday was first day and I insisted to stay along with her under a condition that I will be away for 1 hour atelast.Its only 4 hrs am sending her to a stranger.

The day before yesterday i felt very anxious,uncertain,worried,sulky,madness and all these in a single go.I was okie yesterday when I stayed along with her and left for some grocery shopping for 1 hr and she did not had any trouble staying on with that lady.

And when I returned back,she did not even cared to take a look at me since she was busy playing.Then I was staying with her until 12:30 when we started,she was happy being in a new place with a company of other baby.

We came back home and she was very tired since she missed her morning sleep,we took her to that place around 8:30 and she was awake by then,she slept around 12:00 am on the previous day.

I prepared her khirchi and started feeding her, she took few spoons and started spitting,normally she eats atleast 25% of the bowl provided constant entertainment was ensured.

She wanted to nurse and I did and she slept for other 1.5 hrs.When she woke up she was in a tantrum mood and was crying for something which I could not understand,so cajoled her and when tried to feed again she spitted.Not sure as what to give her I emptied the bowl into bin.

She was okie to eat banana always and it helped.By this decision of sending her away from home for half day has spoilt her routine,but still today I decided to continue.

Morning I was completely feeling bitter to leave her there and come back home empty.She just woke up,and without bathing I carried her to babysitter,when i entered the place she was not even ready to get down,then I made her get down,and when I tried to go,she wanted follow me but that lady diverted her by calling her for a ball play.

When came out i felt heavy hearted,I know this is certainly not a word which can describe my feeling,my words are short for the feeling I experienced.

I was feeling bitter,paranoid,remorse and all those likely feelings of being a mom.I felt like crying but still I did not.I felt like i have been detached from something which was part of mine.

After coming home the feeling was worse,while i was doing dishes i was cursing myself for making noise,thinking she is sleeping.Even while sitting in front of laptop,am thinking she would cry waking up from sleep.

I feel there is a unexplainable connection between mother and baby always,every minute without her is very painful.Ambuli doesnt have much of stranger anxiety and can happily live with balls for a long time,but still how much she was with me so far is what bothering me.

After leaving her and coming back to car,i told DD what i felt and how it is daunting me,he told if you don’t feel like doing it, lets call for the end to the meaningless game which we are playing.

I wanted to call her every half an hour to get status update,the very sight of mobile tempts me to make a call,but i havent done anything until 9:30 am,and when i called she gave me a positive report that she had taken her milk upto 75% of her teeny sipper and finished her fruit yoghurt bowl in complete,this is something definitely more than and better than my job of feeding her.I know she would not cry or make big fuss bcoz she was not some baby who cannot leave mother for a while,she happily stayed with my in laws and mom when i had to borrow some personal time for my activities when in India.

But this lady is a stranger,to be frank she is not pretty stranger,we have seen her for quiet sometime,we had been to an outing with her and i have seen her in a kids get-together what we had here.Still i have an uncertain feel,i guess the only person to whom i can leave her to without any worry  is my mom.

Am worried  about ambuli’s sleep and the need for nursing,otherwise she should be perfectly fine.Also am not sure if she misses me as much as i do.

But somewhere at some point of time will that little mind think where amma is,whom had she left me with,what am i doing here,will amma  come back to take me,will she fear that amma will not return or not,endless questions to myself.Being an Appa ia always easy and not the same for amma.

One year later she will have to be in play school,and am just starting this 1 year earlier,the fact of me returning to work is not confirmed is what seems to make this all pretty funny and a mockery.

Both of my sisters are completely against my decision of sending her to day care,my mom is feeling ok to send her.Hope things will all settle down soon.

Edited to add: Sorry for taking you all through this long rant,i was in such a foul mood that i poured out everything.

P.S: The other baby accompanying her just turned 1 year old yesterday and was sitting in Day care along with her,poor baby cannot even demand his mother to take an off on his first b’day.

This is one song which my mom used to sing to Ambuli,while keeping her on lap and rocking her back n forth in an attempt to burp.Somehow am into nostalgia today and remembered this song,here goes it,

Aanai aanai,azhagar aanai

Azhagarum chokkarum aerum aanai

Katti karumbai murikkum aanai

Kaveri aathai tholaikkum aanai

Aanaiyay kandeero kola thambi?

Kanden mandala thoppula

Kutty aanaikku kombu molichudham

Pattanam ellam parandhu odi pocham


And a weak translation here


Beautiful elephant of azhagar

And upon which azhagar and chokkar will go for ride

Wonderful elephant which breaks mighty sugarcane

and which could nudge the river kaveri

Have you seen this elephant anywhere kolathambi?

Yes i have seen it  in  small grove

This little elephant has got horns and flew all over the city.

Am not sure if anyone  know this already(there is a different version of the same song),and if someone can provide a better translation,very welcome.

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